By Steve Fey

The third and final of six chapters of Star Wars was released recently. That of course brings back the idea of the "Force", which permeates all life and emanates from it, or so says Alec Guinness anyway. And he should know, of course, being the last surviving Jedi Knight outside of a sort of mutant toad living in a swamp somewhere. So there’s this force, see, but some people are "seduced by the dark side of the force" and end up badly, like that asthmatic black dude that ends up throwing the emperor down a well in the sixth and third episode. So the movie that brought us "Trust your feelings, Luke" has brought it all back again. Which is by way of making a segue into this week’s topic. That is, I seem to have gone over to the dark side myself.

I think that must be so because I’m now employed in helping an enterprise devoted to providing entertainment and what a lot of people I used to hang out with call vice to the willing and paying public. It’s a nice new place on the Las Vegas Strip, owned by the same guy who invented the pirate show that people watch at Treasure Island, the fountain show at Bellagio that you almost have to have seen on TV if not in person, and even had a lot to do with the overhead light and sound show in old downtown Las Vegas. His name is Steve Wynn, and the place is called Wynn Las Vegas. People pay millions of dollars every week just to stay here, and lose millions of dollars every week by foolishly gambling against our casino, and even spend lots of cash buying, well, almost anything you want here. Outside on the street you can buy those few things you can’t pick up inside, and I’m talking about the entire gamut of things for sale in the world. Like I said, it seems like what a lot of people would call the dark side.

Funny thing is, though, that when I get off work at night and go outside it’s anything but dark. In fact the street is packed with people enjoying the brighter-than-noonday light, carrying around strange items that no one would ever buy if they were at home, and apparently having a great time. It makes me wonder if it’s even possible to see on "the light side" because if this is dark, then "light" must mean the opposite, or in a short phrase, pitch-black. The dark, er light, er dark, is so attractive that on the middle day of a three day holiday weekend it’s almost impossible to drive along the street. There are so many people walking across the street and every cross street that there’s no possibility of turning a corner, or even crossing an intersection, if you’re in something clunky like an automobile. A hovercraft, maybe you could get in and out with.

Recently as I sat and waited as most of the population of Omaha walked in front of my legally turning car, a limo driver behind me began honking his horn like a New York cabbie. I understand his impatience, but if I start running down the tourists it’s going to have a terrible effect on our return visitor rate. Even in cases where somebody claims to talk to the dead, the dead never drop off any money, much less visit in person, both of which are things that drop them right out of the target demographic (living human beings) for Las Vegas. Well, maybe he’s new. Maybe he used to drive a New York cab, and he’s missing the old job. The truth is, to keep people coming on into the dark, er light, I mean dark, you’ve got to be consistently nice to them, which is why I wait patiently. Not that it isn’t possible to drive as fast as you want around here. If you want to go really fast, just do like I do: drive over to California.

Light? Dark? Who knows but the highway’s open . . .