BOOMING BUSINESS

By Steve Fey

Some of my readers are not in my generation. That is, they are not part of what everyone called the “baby boom” that followed World War Two. As a bulge in the population, we were born from 1946 to 1965, but as a force of nature, we were born from 1943 to 1960. That’s why our present and past Presidents are called Boomers even though they were really war babies. You can tell that they’re boomers, though, because they’re both obnoxious, in different ways of course, and they both tick off at least half of the people at least all of the time. It’s a gift.

Those of you who are not boomers probably think of my generation as a bunch of self-absorbed, space-headed, selfish idiots who have completely fouled up the world like the elbows that we truly are. Well, to you who believe that, and on behalf of all boomers everywhere, I’d just like to say this: Screw all of you; I’ve got mine!

Take the flap over Social Security. Please. I’m tired of hearing about it. I know that younger generations are worried that they’ll end up paying through the nose for boomers’ retirements and there won’t be anything left for them when they want to retire. As a boomer, I say, “What’s your point?” Do you think for a millisecond that congress, consisting as it does of a majority of boomers, will mess with our generations’ retirements? What I mean is, you guys are worried for a reason, and it’s a good one. Sorry about that.^[1]

We boomers famously believe that we righteously opposed the war in Vietnam . Sure we did; we opposed it so much that most of us never got near the place. Was it not fun times? Of course it was not fun times. Did it hurt many of us? Of course not. Which is why we feel so qualified to decide when and how to start a war, and also to send whole bunches of mostly poor young kids off to fight for us. I swear you kids are such a bunch of whiners I don’t know why you complain. Am I being shot at? Is anyone trying to blow me up? Of course not. Things are great where I sit, so why can’t you guys just appreciate all that I’ve got and keep it down back there?

Besides, the current rising generation (no, it isn’t GenX anymore and welcome to real life, kids) truly loves us. You guys in the middle, the ones who never voted in your lives? Well, like I said above, screw you guys. I’m going to party with my grandkids like it’s 2025! You wanna make something of it?