By Steve Fey

Like that title? Sounds sort of British, doesn’t it? It’s like a teacher I had in Junior High who insisted that we say "intresting" instead of the apparently more correct "interesting." Interesting, or intresting, huh? No? Okay, on to the topic.

Our president is now a lame duck, which is a nicer name than some people have called him. Our last lame duck president managed to find ways to amuse himself, and us, during his final four years. Somehow, I doubt if the current guy will give us the same sort of diversions. But, here’s the lay of the land this time around.

The Republican Party now has control of the House, the Senate, and the White House. So, instead of BS in the halls we now have the larger, rounder sort of thing that comes from an elephant. Is that an improvement? I just report, you get to decide. Since the two more politicized branches of government are both controlled by the same party, we can expect a great wave of major accomplishments in social and economic programs from the administration in the next few years.

What? You believe that, don’t you? Come on, would I sell you a hot bridge?

In the White House of course we have a guy who really has no particular reason to be nice to anyone ever again. You’ve seen that little twitch on his lip sometimes when he’s speaking? That’s the surly snarl he longs to display just aching to get out. Wait and see, this guy will go down in history as the Duke of Dyspepsia, or something like that. Notice how almost his entire cabinet is made up of new people. Boy, I’ll bet he could hardly wait for that Powell guy to be out the door. Oh boy, now it’s Condi, Condi, Condi all the time around the West Wing. "I Want Condi" (drums) "I Want Condi" (more drums.) Hey, you could make a rock song out of that!

Over in the Supreme Court of course everyone is expecting the old guy to retire, since it’s hard to hear arguments from a hospital bed. That should bring up some interesting debates in the Senate, that is if the overwhelming amity brought about by having Republicans in control doesn’t spoil the fun. I read the other day that Clarence Thomas is being considered for Chief Justice nominee. Surely, that wouldn’t cause any dissent in the Senate, would it?

The thing to remember, though, is that Bush as gone from saying "I’m a Uniter," to being rather more of a divider than he’d planned to be, and now to an "I don’t give a rat’s heinie-er." Remember, you read it here first. Will that sort of attitude help us in Iraq? Will it finally destroy Bin Laden? Will it get Jack Bauer out of jail next time he slips up? Hey, if it’s good enough for the President, it’s good enough for me.

In an effort to adjust to the realities of 2005, I’ve decided that I, too, just don’t give a hoot. Hey! Who’s Your Daddy is on!